Why do I keep challenging myself

“No” I’m not going, I’m going to wait here until you guys come back. As I see one by one of my friends crossing to he other side of the hill. There was six of us hiking Ho Chi Minh Trail.  Two of my friends coincided with me, and stated that they were scared, and that the cross over was dangerous. secretly I felt relieved, because I didn’t feel alone in my fear. But my masked confidence started disappearing when I saw my only two hopes crossing over the hill. I felt alone and upset that if I didn’t cross I was going to be looked at as a wimp, or even worse weak.

I worked up the courage to cross over as everyone scolded me to do it. The only male we had in our group encouraged me to cross, and that he would guide me, and instruct me the best way to cross without the possibility of me dying. I’m being a little dramatic as I look back and smile at my adventure. As I slowly made every step to reach safety with the help, and encouragement from my new friend. I finally felt safe and accomplished. With excitement , and feeling grateful for the helping hand. I shouted to his wife “hold on to this guy and don’t let him go, his an amazing guy”.

As we kept going to reach the top of the mountain I kept on hoping that it wouldn’t get challenging. My wishes were vanished immediately. I soon realized that the most challenging part was not the beginning, but the finishing of the trail. It’s almost embarrassing to write about this part,DSC_0517 (3) but here I go “what I’m doing here, oh my god I’m going to die, I have two kids this is the most unintelligent move I have made, I’m not going to make it, what if I let go” the immense negative self talk was overpowering my whole body and mind. I froze for a second, and stopped, I needed to pull myself together.

I needed to change my inner dialogue. I steadied myself and focused on envisioning my move to safety. I told myself “I can do this, I can do this” and instantly I felt strong, and brave. The frail physical energy disappeared.

Three of us made it to the end, but three of my friends stayed behind. I watched from the bottom, and hoping that they made it to safety soon. The married couple kept on telling me that I made it. She told me that this hike was a hard hike. I asked her what do you mean? As she googled I saw the levels of some of the hikes from easy, medium, to hard. I was relieved to know that I made it to safety knowing this little part of information at the end. We all made it through, and happy cheers displayed throughout the celebration of our accomplishment.

Call me crazy, but I looking forward to more frightening adventures. I learned the importance of teamwork, friendship, and the power of self talk.


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