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Food! What Would I do Without You
Your in my mind 24/7…I wake up thinking about you and go to sleep obsessing about you.
I had forgotten how great it felt to do what literally makes me happy.
For a month I only contemplated the idea of cooking the best tasting dish and over the top for my family…as I laid in bed for hours without having the energy or desire to move one single part of me.
As I laid in bed I would imagine the perfect dish…on some days it would be a casserole filled with a creamy sauce smothered in cheese…and on other days I would invision myself grilling outside and barbecuing the thickest juiciest steak.
These thoughts would bring a smile and transmit momentary positive pleasure…unfortunately they weren’t motivational enough to get me out of bed.
It was unreal…and every day that passed only made me feel sad, unfulfilled, and angry. The thought that I wasn’t even trying to make an effort only added to my negativity.
In the previous month I’d put so much pressure in trying to come up with the best tasting recipe and picture perfect dish. That I had forgotten the reason why I loved to cook.
Sadly my unrealistic expectations and perfectionism only brought stress and breakdown.
I somehow managed to create the fear that my food wasn’t good enough and every dish that I put together wasn’t bringing any type of pleasure.
Don’t Let Perfectionism Stunt You From What You Love To Do
Frozen On a Dream
Unable to understand the problem every part of my daily routine became affected. I had to push myself every morning to the gym and my positive endorphins would not kick in.
I didn’t want to connect with friends and family. When questioned about my day my response was “I’m fine” and walk towards my bedroom to sleep off the pain of failure.
We Have Total Control…Of The State Of Mind That We Choose to Bring Towards Every Experience
Never make plans when you’re in a great mood…But maybe this exactly what we need.
An invitation had been arranged with my friend for brunch before my breakdown. I thought to myself “Maybe if I don’t send a reminder text and ignore the invitation…she wont remember”.
That thought totally failed as my friend send me a text that said “We are going hiking Saturday…and we should have brunch the next day”. I replied “Yes”…knowing that I wasn’t in the mood to do any of it”.
Since she didn’t mention having brunch at my house, I assumed that she had forgotten and was planning brunch at a restaurant because we had friends coming from San Diego.
To my surprise the next message was send as a group message to all of our friends saying…”Hiking on Saturday and brunch at Erica’s on Sunday morning…along with a I’m excited for our weekend and a happy emoji”.
I stare at my phone with a blank wide eye expressionless look.
After a few minutes passed and still feeling a little shocked…I realized that I needed to honor my word and replied, “Yes it will be fun”.
Don’t Put Pressure On Thyself
Specially if your physical and mental well being is not in favor. It’s provably screaming for help!
I had one week for the gathering…and I decided not to worry about it until the day came.
I called my sister and invited her to the gathering. Without giving up any details of how I felt and only expressed how important it would be to have her there.
At that moment I felt like I really needed her…assuming she would be able to miraculously take away the pain.
Alma wasn’t able to make it to brunch…due to work. I was able to hear the disappointment on her voice on not being able to be there for me.
I must confess that we have this strange way of knowing when something is bothering us. I call it..soulmates at heart and I knew she was aware that there was something wrong.
We kept on talking over the phone and even thought Alma wasn’t going to be there for the gathering, she promised to buy some stuff and arrange a beautiful presentation.
To be honest this was the least of worries, but I knew how important it was to her and allowed her to express her plan for the upcoming event. Alma has a special eye for décor and great sense of vision when it comes to planning.
We ended the conversation with an agreement…and a thank you sister on my behalf.
I could go on in detail of how much fun I had while hiking..but I will spare you the details.
Sometimes in life what we think we don’t want..is exactly what we need.
I love my friends they are beyond amazing and I will never be great full enough and be able to express the immense love and appreciation for having them in my life.
Okay I’m getting all emotional just writing this so let’s get back to Sunday morning.
Deep down inside side I felt insecure about making breakfast because I literally didn’t plan anything. Amazingly this mind set worked…I didn’t feel worried about making a great impression and the stress and pressure was lifted.
Minutes later the phone rings and it was my sister. Alma says “I’m going over I got some stuff to set the table, I won’t be there but at least I can do this for you”.
When she arrives we hug and I was more than happy to see her…I didn’t want to let go of her. Alma hurriedly breaks our embrace and gets right to work.
As I stand there and see her effort to make it extra special… that alone made me feel an extreme sense of appreciation and immense love and respect for her.
The presentation was beautiful…you see I would have never gone out of my way to make it extra fancy or special. I mean I seen pictures on Pinterest and I’ve gone to fancy parties with great décor settings but this is truly not my cup of tea.
Though I will confess it was the highlight of my day. Once I was able to see the final picture not only did a rush of happiness and inspiration kicked in, the desire to cook did as well.
What was funny is to realize the immense pressure we tend to set on ourselves when we have passion for something that defines us. Which brings me to the reason why Alma was upset with me…I forgot to give her the correct number of quest. And we were going to be short four silverware settings.
I was laughing in silence as I hear her complain and reassured her that it was okay. I told her that it was perfect and felt truly grateful for her support. But she wasn’t having it.
Unsatisfied with my logic she looks at me with disappointment and I realized how important this was to her.
In a way it made me realize my own insecurities with how I was feeling. That we all see things differently and the pressure we tend to set on ourselves is unnecessary.
The people that are part of our life’s and truly care for us will see perfection in all our efforts.
Brunch was Perfect
Not only was the food amazingly delicious…the girls were extremely happy with the presentation.
We all managed to bring something tasty to the table…and best of all this gathering made our friendship stronger.
Wondering if I got my groove back on?
Would you like to be the judge? 😉
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