Traveler and Food Experiences
San Diego Adventure with My Boys
By Erica's Coffee_Foodievlog
I'm not the perfect mother, and I'm definitely not the worst. Since I can recall I have this particular dream that haunts throughout the year.
And it goes a little like this, the world is ending either by water or an unexpected war. I panic and start to desperately look for my boys and trying to save them.
I feel hopeless, angry at myself for loosing one of them. And for some strange reason the only one that I never loose is my youngest son Ivan.
As I desperately try to search for Samuel and start feeling grief and complete terror that I wasn't able to save him. I wake up and realize that it was just a dream.
One of my biggest fears has always been loosing one of my sons which would explain my recurrent dream. I've noticed that I try really hard not to put them on dangerous situations.
But I've also realized that I have contributed to some of their fears. And instead of doing good I'm limiting their creativity.
When I'm about to head to an adventure my sweet Ivan will ask "Mom are you flying?" and when I reply with a yes he starts to worry.
He questions how long will I be staying, what if I don't come back, and what if my plain falls down from the sky.
I explain to him that I'm coming back soon, and that I will be calling often and theirs no need to worry.
And let me confess that I've never actually told them about my dreams.
And with this confession I have to admit that as much as I want to experience the beautiful side of travel and nature. I struggle with the decision of taking them with me.
Every time I travel on my own the weight of responsibility feels a little lighter, but I can't help feeling guilty and selfish.
Many times I've asked them if they want to come hoping that they wont because all these negative scenarios that cross my mind.
And to my relief the answer is always "No."
What I have realized Is This
The weight of responsibility will always be there that's one hard reality I been having to come to terms with.
When we are taking long driving trips the fear of getting into a car accident will always be there.
When I'm taking them on a hike I will always feel afraid that one of them gets lost, or fall's into the cold icy creeks.
When I'm waking them up early to come with me on adventure I will always question "Is this to much for them". And the guilt will over power the excitement I felt.
I will question I'm a good mother?
I'm I doing enough?
Are they learning how to be boys?
I will definitely question everything I do when it comes to them.
What I Will Do as a Mother
What I do know is that regardless of my fears ill try to reflect on every choice I make and how it's impacting them.
On this particular trip I made the choice to fight through my fears. I wasn't going to act like the paranoid mother that would be screaming though the mountains like I usually do "Samuel, Ivan stop don't run, get back here, get close" "Your going to get lost."
I decided to put my state of mind positive outcome. My happy state I call it.
Overall for the two hikes I can say that this trip was successful. I didn't ruin their trip with being an overprotective lunatic.
Hiking Cuyamaca Stonewall Peak
They were able to be boys. Samuel my oldest had more confidence and was climbing rocks, and taking what he called short cuts.
I called them moments of silent fear, because he would disappear through the bushes and would come out in the other side of the trail. And what big brother does little brother fallows.
Hiking Cowles Mountain
On our last stay in San Diego I decided to leave at 4:00 am because it's a six hour drive back home.
And before we left I wanted to attack one of my fears and that was hiking alone with my boys.
I knew that it had to be an easy hike and well known. I yelped the a near by hike called Cowles Mountain. And I'm glad I didn't listen to my fears.
Sure I had a little bit of resistance from my boys, from it's to cold, I'm tired, and a little bit of crying. But after twenty minutes of the hike they were starting to enjoy.
It took determination and not giving up on myself and my kids.
Due to this trip Ivan wants to come with me every where I go and Samuel my oldest is still trying to figure out if he enjoys hiking.
I realized that our fears is a result of unrealistic imagination. That danger and fear is everywhere around us if we choose to let it take over us.
And I choose the love I have for my boys as well for what I'm passionate for which is discovering my unlimited potential as a mother and human being.
Los Angeles Trip Didn't go as Planned
By Erica's Coffee_Foodievlog
Avoiding the reality of a lonely Christmas
I didn't want to host the traditional Christmas dinner. Not having my boys for Christmas I decided to go on an adventure.
In advance I warned my sister and my family that I wouldn't be here for the holidays.
My sister Nadia looks at me and says, "Ok" without a worry in her voice.
Feeling a little disappointed that she didn't question me.
When in reality deep inside I felt a little guilty and sad for leaving them for Christmas.
Karma what goes around comes around
A week prior to leaving unexpected situations transpired, and I literally felt like I was carrying the world on my shoulders.
I started to become negative because of the events, and overwhelmed.
Not expressing any kind of emotion made me feel alone, and negative feelings kept building up.
Prior too leaving everything felt off.
My morning workouts weren't as inspiring. The conversations with friends and family didn't flow as easy. And my health started to decline.
Ignored all the physical signs
The day too leave came December 21, 2017.
By 3:00 am I was packing a few more things and headed out on my adventure.
I notice that my excitement and energy was non existent. I questioned if I should be leave.
"What if I took one day off too really rest, and leave the following day."
Ignoring my intuition I kept driving, and thought that the day would get better.
My energy must of been shitty because nothing was going right. I forgot my shoe bag, no coffee shop was on sight, and I dropped my credit card.
The hotel that was booked to Phoenix Arizona wasn't processed.
When I called customer service they couldn't help me, because if I wanted the price of the hotel to be honored I had to do it through the website.
Customer service politely said "Try Again" through the website.
When I had already tried three times.
Echo Mountain Via The Sam
My Personal Experience
That day I needed to hike more desperately than ever.
The hike was at Echo Mountain Trail and the thought of a 4.8 mile was like music to my ears.
The trail was lonely with not many people on sight.
Prior to getting to the trail I had searched the reviews, and it talked about vandalism.
The neighborhood was decent, but at the beginging of the trail their was graffiti on the signs.
I started to feel uneasy.
Stop! I thought to myself, and switched my vibe to a more confident and relaxed state.
It worked. 🙂
Until I got to the top. This guy starts talking to me and asking if I came alone, and where I was from.
To make me feel more at ease he started talking about him self and elaborated that he was in school, and working in the medical field.
It didn't get weird until he asked me if I was coming down from the hill, and if I wanted to walk down with him.
That conversation completely threw me off. And I quickly responded with a simple "No I'm acutally going to continue sightseeing." And left it at that.
I don't remember what he said after that, I just knew I wanted to leave.
Goin up the hill I started to feel afraid and wondered if he would wait until I got down from the hill.
When I went up the hill to my relief their was more people. And decided to ask someone if I could walk down with them.
Two women were walking and I asked, "Excuse me are you going down the trail?" And they said "Yes" I asked, "Do you mind if I walk down with you" and explained how this guy made me feel uneasy and I didn't feel comfortable walking alone."
Heading down the hill he was standing and giving us his back, and didn't bother to turn around.
At the end of the hike I felt relieved, and thanked the two women.
I decided to brush off this day, and looked forward for the days to come.
Change Of Path
Phoenix Arizona never happened. My cousin asked me to stay for the holidays, and I agreed.
Every day was something different.
She took me to her favorite places and the people whom she cared for the most.
Getting out of routine was the most difficult getting adjusted to waking up late and different ways of eating was challenging.
But I also learned that it wasn't hard to get used to the good things. I loved interacting with new people and that was the most fun experience.
Griffith Park Observatory
My Personal Experience
On 12/23/2014 hiking Griffith Park Observatory was a nice up the hill hike. Many ins and outs to explore the park or workout. I felt really safe and at peace.
The park was clean and filled with people. I just wish I wouldn't of been extremely hungry. I had to end my hike after an hour.
Couldn't Wait to be Home
On 12/24/2017 was going to be my last visit. In all honesty I wanted this day to come soon, because I couldn't wait to get back home to my kids.
I realized that having children makes it a little bit harder to enjoy a long trip or vacation.
And I wondered how it would be when they were no longer children.
Will I always feel this void when their not around?.
Missing my Boys on Christmas Eve
Spending Christmas Eve with my cousin was fun. We had our morning tea and protein shake which is one of her favorite morning routines.
It became one of my favorite routines in such a short time, and knew that I would miss this part of our time.
We did some shopping and got ready for our Christmas Eve celebration.
I must confess that I didn't make it through the celebration. After dinner I sneaked into the bedroom and fell asleep by 7:00 pm.
She came into the room several times to talk me into going outside and socialize with her friends.
But with a heavy heart and feeling guilty I said no.
It was 6:00 am, eagerly got dressed and headed out towards my home.
After a five hour drive and just in time for Christmas with my boys. Best time ever.